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Razer-Athane

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A Post

1 min read

Still alive, still migraine'd, still trying

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Update Time

3 min read
What is UP my dudes. Haven't posted a proper update journal since the end of 2017.

2018 was terrible. Someone very close to my partner passed away, and he then had a major family crisis, but they have pulled out the better for it. After 17.5 years, my oldest, loving bird passed away. My job drained the everloving fuck out of me. Depression was high. There were a few nice things that sustained me - my amazing partner (who also gifted me with a ring (just a ring) that he made himself); crushing short story writing goals/submissions (wrote and submitted more new short stories/content than in the years prior), playing through the original Mass Effect Trilogy with the bf (we regret we took so long), and the arrival of a beautiful new pet bird (who reminded me day in, day out of my old bird who passed - like her soul came back).

2018 overall was fucking difficult and I don't want to talk about it much more. 2019 by proxy has been mixed as fuck with some incredible moments and some despairing ones.

My job was destroying me and I felt very unappreciated. I was crying at my desk by the end because of the stress of the workplace. In March 2019, one of my short stories was shortlisted in a writing competition, which was friggin crazy and I am so very grateful! in April 2019, I had my first solid two weeks leave from that job (ever! Because I've always got migraines!) and saw Uluru, which was special in of itself. Not sure if I would ever go back, the flies were absolutely chaotic.

In June 2019, I finally left my old job - and learnt in the end, I was appreciated, though people didn't realise how much work I actually did - and got a new one in a company that is very, very caring. This included a paid for trip to Chicago, USA, for training. That in of itself was an amazing experience, and I also met a longtime online friend - wish I had more time to meet more people, though, given the length of the trip.

And then... I came back to learn the beautiful new pet bird I got in 2018 had passed away due to illness, on the very day I started the new job (the time, even). July 2019 started hard, and ended hard. A few weeks later, my grandmother was hospitalised and began deteriorating very quickly, even though I only saw her for our birthdays a month earlier where she was better. In her time in hospital, another one of my short stories found success - it became one of ten winners, that will be actually published in an upcoming anthology. My mind = BLOWN. Two days later? My grandmother passed away - the final direct link to my overseas heritage.

What. A. Month. The last month has been an absolute whirlwind. I am still struggling to cope.I haven't drawn as much as I used to or worked on subsidiary projects due to everything going on. Hoping I can turn that around for the rest of the year.

Hope all is well with you guys. I'll post the anthology book link soon once everything is finalised. Take care.
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External Links

1 min read
Hey guys. Just posting links here in case you want to find me outside of deviantart.

tumblr - lived here for like 6+ years I'm too lazy to leave lmao, by far the most active here
tumblr sketch page - more active art-wise here
fanfiction.net - thinking about going back tbh but we'll see
ko-fi - a donation would always be welcome, to help with med costs and just other general stuff
EDIT 2019: twitter - I came for the memes

Wishing everyone an awesome 2019.

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New Sketch Blog

1 min read
Hey guys.

I was never that active an artist to begin with, always more been a sketcher. I've also been significantly more active on tumblr (over the past several years). I miss drawing. My full time job is exhausting. I'm starting to miss animation. I miss creativity in general.

So! I've made a sketch blog on tumblr: razersketches

Anything that I REALLY like I will still post here but hopefully this will encourage me to draw a bit more and post it online. So if you've got a tumblr give me a follow there and as always I'm on my main account reblogging junk: razerathane

Thank you as always for all the love, the fact that I still get messages from time to time for my old fics really makes me happy and grateful.

image
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https://78.media.tumblr.com/b198e16113b3896cc854463e172bf2a9/tumblr_mi88br2uwu1rpdibxo9_250.gif

Hay.

Usual yearly update and junk.

I lost two pets this year (started this year with four). A 10 month old, beautiful cockatiel who was very sick to start off with, I lost in July. And my beautiful, sweet, gorgeous small dog passed away in April at fifteen-and-a-half. I was and still am heartbroken that she's no longer with me and am having a lot of trouble coping with anxiety and depression without her here. Because since those mental struggles became more apparent and developed, she was ALWAYS there. And although its now December and it's been months, its still hard. I also almost lost my other bird, but she is still alive and kicking at 17 years old. She too was and still is always there. Her age is beginning to show.

Still at my full time job. I don't love it but have fallen into a state of automatic, easy work. Have learnt A LOT about myself (and more about computers) in the process. However the migraines are worse because of it, despite the fact that, since my last journal, I now get x2 injection treatments every three months in addition to the medications I already had/was on. But the company I work for is incredibly understanding. In my yearly review (and got a raise), they mentioned I'd taken 23.5 days off in a year so far - then said they didn't really care because they understood why and that I work really hard and even through obvious pain. So my efforts are being seen (and rewarded) which I'm grateful for.

Guys. I'm sick of migraines. 12 years now.

Book stuff. Made a lot of progress on The Thing actually, like, significant leaps and bounds (working on it in between calls lmao). And also sent the other book I finished to an editor! Got loads of feedback and have been reworking it, can already see major improvements. Intending to finish reworking it next year and throw it out there again, more motivated for it this time (I don't want to work in IT/customer service forever lol). A good friend of mine that I guess you could say I mentored (from ye olde FFN days) actually got his DEBUT NOVEL published recently! Hit the link to purchase it!  Hope you like space stuff! Film is still being worked on slowly where energy can allow it.

I am still completely utterly in love with my partner/soulmate who has just been so above and beyond. I can't believe its only been two and a half years, it legit feels like fifty thousand, like I've known him my whole life. He helps me so much that I just lkfajdsf9sdyfdsfsdflkj >___< I'm very fortunate. He's everything I've ever wanted. His band is doing well! He is doing well. He also helped me move out into an apartment and he should be joining me fairly soon. Con: AUSTRALIAN SUMMERS IN THIS APARTMENT, GODDAMN.

I guess the most important art related update is... after three years I've picked up 3D again. Very slowly. I'm doing 3D sculpting as it was the one thing uni never taught me and I'm enjoying it. Its like painting in 3D to me. I want to start trying to animate a little more again because, maybe I'm not ready to go back to it for a career, but I feel I'm ready and spaced away enough now to start trying again for a hobby.

Um that's all I really have to say for now. Happy holidays and stuff. Be cool all. RIP Kim Jonghyun. Wew for marriage equality in Australia. And fuck the heat. Peace.
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Update Time by Razer-Athane, journal

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